Entry 10

I have officially decided on what university I will be attending…

The University of Utah!

Okay so literally that was my last choice and like at the bottom of the totem pole, but given circumstances with family life, financial life, and overall my transition into college life, I think that it is the best decision. I don’t really know what I’ve had against it (probably just the fact it’s in Utah) but now that I’ve really looked into my options; I think it is the best decision I could have made.

I am looking forward to attending this university actually, and especially the fact that I will be able to live on campus. I’m beyond excited that I will have the opportunity to live at the U, meet some new friends, live near my classes, live in Salt Lake City, and just making the best out of my experience in college. To be truthfully honest, I think that’s the part that I am most looking forward to. Maybe I’ll even join a sorority… That would be a lot of fun… Oh boy, I just can’t wait.

 I’m also really excited to take all these incredible electives, as I will get the chance to truly discover what my passion is. And it’s a little hard to admit this, but I am glad that I will be able to live with my family nearby.

The other day 3 incredible things occurred to me: 1. I will be able to be home for holidays and birthdays of my family/friends 2. My brother lives nearby and will also be working in SLC, so just TRAXs’ ride away and I can go out with him for lunch or even just spend sometime in his house. 3. (THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST, LIKE HONESTLY THE REASON WHY ;)) I have all of my clothes in my closet that will be no more than 40 minutes away from me, since I unfortunately won’t be able to fit my entire closet in the dorms… 

But anyways I just can’t wait to get into this University life; I’m ready for this new red chapter in my life.

P.S. I was going to say that I bleed red now, but that's like a real life thing... 

Entry 9

Kindness has always been pretty important to me. I believe that very human being deserves to be treated with respect and courtesy no matter who they are, what their circumstance may be, and even if they are not being very nice to you. Being kind to others can have such a positive impact on a person’s life and besides that, if you are kind, people tend to be kind to you back. Sometimes it can be hard to be kind to everyone, as some people can just be so bothersome and you just don’t click. It’s difficult to overcome that tough wall and let out a little kindness. But if it was me, I rather fake kindness than be mean to that person, because then that person will truly have a reason to be really mean back at you. I don’t know if it’s meaner to fake it, but I like to avoid problems at all costs.

 But back to what I’m trying to say is that, kindness is one of the most powerful things, we as humans have the ability to give to other humans. And for all we know, they deserve it, because they are just like you and me. Plus knowing that you made someone even a little bit happier in their day is worth more than words can express. Kindness is so powerful, that even the smallest drop of it can spread a long way to the person receiving this gesture. I enjoy being kind, or at least I try my very hardest to be. To be honest, I’m not completely positive if it’s because I’m afraid of someone being mean to me or that it just makes me feel good. But what I am for certain and completely positive for is the purpose of knowing that I was able to make someone’s day a little bit brighter. 

Lastly, the best part of kindness is that through one act, it will spread to many many more.

Entry 8

I think that one of my favorite things to do is travel. I've always wanted to go around the world and visit as many countries and truly immerse myself within every culture. Growing up I never imagined having just a house in this one location. I’ve always dreamed of just renting apartments or little cottages or even trade my little place of temporary residence with another person around the world. I’ve even based my career off of traveling. I want to go into some kind of international business or international relations where I’m required to travel. 

There’s so many places in this world that are incredibly beautiful that I believe are meant to be experienced as humans on earth. To get a little theological, God created wonders across the globe that we are blessed to live in. There’s so much beauty within nature, landscapes, and even man-made civilizations. But I also think the best part of traveling is experiencing those human relationships with people of different cultures. Nothing is as beautiful as human emotions and the entire environment in which they live in. 

Traveling. 

It’s nirvana.

Entry 7

Turning 18 is kind of a pretty big deal… I mean I guess you are classified as an adult, you can vote, you can be put into jail, and that’s basically the important stuff. But as you get older your responsibilities get bigger and greater. Maturity I hope goes up as well, and your ability of being in charge of yourself rather than your parents increases greatly.

 As some of you may know I recently turned 18. To be honest it’s not too much different than 17 but I did get to notice little things, like when I was out and I realized I couldn’t get stopped for curfew. That was exciting. And also the fact that I can essentially do whatever I want, of course with it’s limitations, but my life is now officially in my hands. I could move out if I wanted to or I could even drop out of school if wanted (I don’t).

It’s kind of crazy to think that I have the power to make decisions that will define the very beginning and rest of my life with the beauty of no parental consent. Although I still do live under my parent’s roof so I would never dare to go and do something insane as I might get kicked out…

Although getting older seems so exciting, at the same time it can be a little scary… I think the worst part to think about is that as you get older it’s not as if life will get easier, in fact, it’s most likely going to get harder. And because of that, I sometimes don’t feel like growing up…. 18 is pretty big, I don’t think I’m scared of that but it’s all happening so fast I can’t help but worry a little... On the bright side, I can buy a lot of fireworks. 

Entry 6

Everyone always seems to say “follow your dreams”. But what if your dreams are so big they can’t even be attained? What I think happens to most people in society is that different priorities or even different situations come into our lives that derail us from our dreams. But maybe, that’s why they are called dreams… They are meant to be there to be sought after but never are really attainable... Life happens, and there’s a lot of things that can happen within it that can push you off that track, potentially in a negative way in which you will never achieve it or in a positive way where your priorities change.

Maybe it’s the fact that you now have a child and your future does not matter to you but what your child’s future will be able to achieve and discover through their own dreams. Or I believe, sometimes we have those boundaries which can leave us disabled, financially in-stable, or another dilemmas that makes that dream that we wished so hard for just fade away, because at this point it’s nearly impossible. So is there a point to dreaming? To wish for that amazing life of whatever you greatly desire to become a reality?

 In my opinion, despite the wrong paths we face there’s nothing more powerful than dreaming, because with dreaming, you are able to find that happiness that someday in the future you will find that dream you've always wanted. If one gets crushed, your imagination and will has the power to create an even better dream, because it’s worth it.

 My father once told me, I gave up everything; my house, my job, my family, my dreams for you. The thought of this crushed me, but I realized that he hadn't given up on his dream but he took the risk to pursue the dream of providing his family a better life which in the long run would return to him regaining his dreams. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that, things may block the way of our own dreams, but through believing even beyond that, our wishes will come back to us and the dream we once had will become greater than we ever imagined. 

Entry 5

 I have never met my grandparents. Well that statement isn't completely true because I do not have deceased grandparents on my mother’s side. My mother’s mother has been a part of life when I was younger and lived in Venezuela, my mother’s father abandoned her family and because of that I have only seen my grandfather one time. The only memory I have is of him at the airport and he gave me a hug and that was the day I discovered B.O…

But on my father’s side, my grandfather and grandmother passed away several years before I was born. So the only thing I have left of them are the antique pictures and stories that my father and aunts tell me. I was named after my grandmother, Maria del Carmen Gamboa. Some of my family members who were able to meet her say that I have a light resemblance of her…

But besides this little back-story of my family history, the point I’m trying to get at is…

Can you have a relationship or connection with someone that is deceased?

            The thought of that seems very creepy but at the same time I have heard that some religions including Native American’s believe that our ancestors are our “guardian angels” when we are here on earth.

This might sound really strange, but I really feel like I may have a connection with my grandmother. Not that I've witnessed anything or things like that, but just the thought her… It makes me very emotional.

It’s almost like I miss her and mourn for her, but yet, I have never met this women in my life. And I even dare to say that I love her a great deal , and I feel that she is with me and loves me back… To make things even stranger, when I was little and I didn't know the stories about her I still felt a very strong connection for her… I just know she’s with me and she loves me so much…

It’s the most comforting feeling and yet at he same time I can’t lie and say that it doesn't scare me a little bit. This just might be one of the most personal stories I've shared with anyone. 

Maybe I should consider consulting a psychiatrist. ;)

Entry 4

We’re all going to college soon. Some of us are going in-state others out-of-state or if you’re like me, you have no idea. I’d like to go out-of-state, I think. It’s not that I don’t like the U or the other colleges in Utah. I even went on a campus tour of the U and I loved it,  but something still urges deep inside of me to get out. I feel that if I go out of state I will experience the true world. 

I do understand that this entire fantasy of opportunities also comes with the negatives of being on my own and facing loneliness.  And frankly, the world is a dangerous place. But at the same time, the world is full of all these amazing opportunities, different cultures, different people, different sceneries, and so so so much more... Those worries of facing hardship, which I know are inescapable, are only a little piece of what the world has to offer. 

I think that's the incredible part of going to an out-of-state college.

 I'll be in a new place all on my own. And living in the very "safe" Utah (compared to the other states) for all my life,  I believe it's time for me to explore whats outside of this haven tucked within the Wasatch mountains. Even if this means I have to face the reality of moving out all on my own. 

 I just know something is waiting out there for me,  and I really can't wait to grasp it.